Alright everyone, so I thought I would take this time and update my current mood at this point in time for those that want to know...
I am at the point where I am wrestling with a lot of things. I mentioned earlier that I was taking a break from being on a lot of social media because of various things in life that have challenged me as a person. I will not go into detail publicly about what is happening but I will let you know that it has challenged my innermost being as a person, even to the point that my faith was rocked to its very core. I look at people, life, circumstances, past relationships, lost friendships, betrayals, etc. and various emotions go through my mind including: why me? why do I feel like I get the short end of the stick? how is it that others can get completely happy and I cannot be totally happy?
I appreciate those people that have gotten a chance to talk with me personally and mention that it looks like I am always happy, that they wish they could be as happy as me, and that it looks like I have it all together. I appreciate those comments, but I am only human. I go through my various emotions, I think about what if, I wander why certain things happen the way they do, I have my days where I feel like the whole entire world is against me. When I get on Facebook anymore I tend to see people I have been with for instance and see them happy with other people. I found myself thinking that "oh yeah, I have moved on, when in reality even the sight of seeing this person that used to be associated with me so happy with someone that seems to have it more together than I. Or, when life tends to deal me a bad hand of cards and I am challenged to the core of my existence. Some days I wander why does it feel like I am the one laughed at, why am I the one who gets the short end of the stick, and why I feel like I am the one that gets the negative attention.
This is a whirl-wind of chaos that truly seems unending, brings me to the core of impatience, and gives moments of negative mindsets that challenge me as a person. As I take a break from Facebook (except for talking with friends on Messenger and checking up on friends from time to time), go off the wire on Twitter for awhile, not posting on Instagram, etc. I hope to look at these circumstances and answer these questions in the best way possible. Before you begin to ask I am not becoming a non-believer and loosing my faith in Christ because I look at the story of Job and this is the best example of loosing everything and my life is not that bad compared to this story but I do need to see what is next in this chaos. Thank you everyone for listening for those that chose to read and listen.
